i am a giant coinstar machine

i pick people up.

and toss people away.

like the penny jar at your local gas station.

the sign says.

give a penny.

take a penny.

and that’s what i do.

i am deceptive – so much that i can even fool myself.

i am an open book.

if i meet someone, i will tell them anything.

if i meet someone, i will talk to them about anything.

i will answer any questions.

i will expose any fault.

but people don’t ask the right questions, and they don’t get the right answers.

so even tho it seems like they know me – even tho it seems like we’re best friends (even if we just met) - they don’t know me.

they don’t know me at all.

part of the problem is that i am multi-faceted.

what i am is a yeti.

and a couple chance meetings.

a couple drinks at the bar.

wont tell you who i am.

to see me in one type of environment is to see one side of me.

and one side only.

don’t get me wrong – its still me.

but its only one side of me.

to realize this, and to know m-e, you have to know m-e for a very long time.

a myriad of situations.

a plethora of variants.

ive known my best friends for eight years.

which is small fry compared to some of you who have best friends from grade school.

but to me it’s a big deal.

a big effin deal.

they KNOW me.

they know that i bite off the edges of pierogies because ‘that’s just the extra calories’.

they know that i used to not eat after midnight because that’s when you put on the most weight.

they know that i enjoy watching cheesy girly movies – and secretly they do too.

they know that i am sometimes not a nice person.

my friends in chicago don’t know this shit.

and they don’t care either.

give a penny.

take a penny.

money for nothing

i met a girl.

i met a girl, and she’s moving to boston.

i met a girl, and she’s moving to boston, and i am too.

i met a girl, and she’s moving to boston, and i am too, but not because of her.

i met a girl.

...

i did meet a girl.

and she is moving to boston.

and i am planning on moving there as well.

and i just told a lie, because it IS because of her.

but not in the way you think.

...

i play kickball on the weekends.

my team is composed of mostly doctors and lawyers.

she and i met because we play on the same kickball team.

and she happens to be a doctor.

when i tell other girls that she’s a doctor, the first thing they ask me is if im ‘interested’ in her.

and of course im interested in her - who isnt a little interested in a highly successful, extremely intelligent woman who can wallop the crap out of a big red rubber ball.

but i know nothing is going to happen between us, and im totally ok with that.

...

we met because we play on the same kickball team, but we got to know one another because we both love to play golf.

and i asked her if she wanted to get together to swing sometime.

she did, and we did.

and nothing came of it except for me finding out A) that she’s a doctor, and B) that she’s planning on moving to boston.

she mentioned how she was concerned because she had heard that it was tough to meet people in boston. she was concerned because she had spent seven years in chicago developing a good group of friends, and she was concerned that she would have a difficult time developing quality replacement relationships once she moved east.

so i promised to put her in touch with my two best friends.

because they both happen to live in boston.

along with about forty of my fraternity brothers and the fifty or so high school and college friends.

...

i have two friends from uni who live in chicago.

and i wasn’t friends with them in uni.

i have no friends from high school who live in chicago.

...

i asked her why she was moving to boston, if she had such a good group of friends in chicago.

she said that she had family in boston.

and ultimately that was the most important thing to keep in mind.

she also said that she had given chicago seven good years, and that she didn’t have a whole lot to show for it.

...

i took ‘a whole lot to show for it,’ to mean serious relationships (love interest, or otherwise) in chicago.

because thats what i would have meant if i had said that type of thing.

in fact, that IS what i said (and that IS what i meant) when i reached my five year anniversary a couple months ago.

...

i may know nothing bout nothing, but i also know that i have nothing to show for the nothing that i have.

...

so she’s moving to boston.

and i am too.

but im not moving because of her.

but of course im moving because of her.

im moving because i dont want to end up like her... in two more years.

...

i am the type of person who takes a great deal of time to evaluate every option, scenario, and alternative before i make a decision.

but once i make a decision, i do not vacillate.

i don’t change my mind very often.

if ever.

because once a decision has been made – despite the nagging doubts and traumatizing fears ping-ponging around my head – i stick to it.

mostly because i go with my gut.

but also because i refuse to buy into fear.

and i will go out of my way to be obstinate JUST to prove to myself that i am not scared... even at the cost of (perhaps) revising a mistaken opportunity.

this drives my (ex) girlfriends bonkers.

...

i am moving to boston.

~ congrats to jess and neal ~