the search for 'neo'...

23.3.06

in my own words...


writing about yourself is often an exercise in flatulence.

which is ironic since it feels AS unnatural to write about yourself, as it would to fart on a first date.

modesty and humility are characteristics that society has ingrained in all of us – much like the societal conditioning that forces you to clench your butt and cross your legs when you get the urge to fart in mixed company. ha!

fortunately our conditioning CAN be broken down (embrace your inner gaseousness), and eventually our true selves can be released…

released in the form of noxious vomit inducing fumes –or- equally bad match.com profiles.

***

writing a match.com profile is actually a lot harder than you would expect.

if you don’t believe me, you should think about your answers to the questions below.

(jess you get brownie points for completing this assignment early)

what do you do for fun?

what do you do for work?

what are your favorite ‘hot spots’?

what are your favorite things?

what did you read last?

what words do people use to describe you?

what do you want in someone else?

those are the topics, now write something that will make you appear to be a desirable ‘match’ AND do it in under two hundred characters.

go.

***
even tho it is SOMEWHAT difficult to write a profile, it is still just WRITING a profile – its not rocket science or saving the world.

and yet many people inevitably find themselves saying, ‘i don’t know how to describe myself… im not very good at writing these things… i don’t know what to say, but here goes…’

how the fuck did these people get into college? is this how they started their college admissions essay?

c’mon people, you have a thousand characters to describe yourself, and you just wasted twenty of them to admit that you are a moron.

i can already tell that we’re a perfect match. ha!

***

some people* avoid the issue altogether by writing practically nothing about themselves.

they are a one paragraph sink hole of bland sentiments – ‘im nice, im friendly, i like the color white, i like to eat chicken etc.’

they say nothing about who they are, or who they’re looking for.

humility (can be) is a respectable quality in a person. but boredom is not.

while i was looking into potential roommates last year, i asked someone what they like to do for fun.

her response, ‘i like to watch tv and eat buffalo chicken sandwiches for fun’.

are you serious? do people like you actually exist (duh a rhetorical question)?

the scary part is that she was seriously hot, and didn’t need match.com to meet people.

***

the irony of this whole post is that the match.com profile is completely superfluous.

why the hell did i waste so much time whining about it, when it’s totally a moot point.

nobody actually cares what someone says in their profile, because the truth (and the vibe) can be derived by a quick perusal of that persons profile pic.

profile pic hot. or profile pick not.

its a binary switch.

and if you don’t have a profile pic, you’re not even in the running.

ive been contacted by several ‘blind’ matches with absent profile pics.

call me superficial but i don’t talk to girls that i don’t ‘know’ (‘know’ in the ‘know what you look like’ sorta way)

this philosophy is akin to something that my friend matttius once said, ‘i don’t date girls who wear one piece swimsuits because it makes me wonder what they’re trying to hide’.

we were only fifteen.

13 comments:

  • RYN:
    YOU JINXED US!!! I can't believe you'd say such mean things!!! :(

    I can see where you're comin' from, hon, but you can't tell me it wasn't absolutely thrilling to watch The Parliament Building explode!

    I'm doin' ok. I love it here in Houston. How's Beantown?

    By Anonymous Sarah, at 3/24/2006 7:54 AM  

  • Oh, how I've missed your unique vision of the world, my friend. I can't see why you would need the use of an online dating site, unless you've dismissed every other girl you've met so far in Boston ;)

    I put a profile on match.com a couple years ago. It's amazing the variety of people who use those sites. After 4 dates with guys who seemed alright on the screen but who in person were not at all who they lead on to be, I quit. I'd rather not date at all than have to deal with weeding through the crazies, although I suppose you really can find those types anywhere. Is it easier to hide craziness online? ;)

    By Anonymous dfk, at 3/24/2006 12:50 PM  

  • I'm totally looking forward to hearing what happens if any of these ever turn into in-person-dates.

    By Blogger portuguesa nova, at 3/25/2006 4:37 PM  

  • PS Did you find any Chicks Ducks and Bunnies this year? I'm still looking.

    By Blogger portuguesa nova, at 3/25/2006 4:38 PM  

  • hahha sunshine! i do not jinx what does not deserve to be jinxed. i love to watch duke play, but they needed to go down for the sake of my (and everyone elses) bracket. ha!

    dfk - oh how you flatter me so. i havent dismissed every single women in boston - theyve dismissed me! ha!

    anchored - ill be sure to keep you all posted as i 'prorgress' through these dates. yikes! i found some chicks and bunnies in a dollar store - of course they could be leftovers from last year!

    cheers
    hooizz

    By Blogger hooizz, at 3/26/2006 11:37 AM  

  • Oh! Bonus points! But I forgot to tell you what I like to do for fun, hooizz!

    I eat bread and drink milk! Whoo! *winks*

    Or, you know, read my blog more and find out my interests. *winks* You are definitely correct in saying that it's easier to determine if you are compatible with someone by reading their blog. Of course, Neal has a ton of friends online with blogs, too, so I was able to see how they interacted with him and how he responded back so I had an added bonus of seeing his respect for others, etc. that I otherwise wouldn't have seen in another type of online relationship. It's also how I knew he was "for real." I didn't think anyone had enough time to be in graduate school, teaching, and keeping up ten fake blogs about completely different things (and making up fake comments to himself as well) so... yeah. Real. *chuckles*

    I really can't believe all the good, eligible women have dismissed you. Where (and how long) did you look?

    By Blogger jess, at 3/28/2006 11:26 PM  

  • 2 posts back to back bout match.com? dude you're hooked! haha!

    By Blogger jo c, at 3/29/2006 6:51 PM  

  • I was just browsing Boston blogs, and I saw yours. I'm moving to Boston this summer because I am going to the Boston Conservatory for grad school in the Fall.

    about match.com..I hate that you have to have a catchy headline..cause something like that is either gonna sound lame..or..no..just lame.

    By Blogger SweetTooth, at 4/10/2006 4:44 AM  

  • By Blogger jess, at 4/16/2006 8:46 PM  

  • I love how all the profiles mention the person's love of being outside, staying active, traveling, etc. I want to see one that says, "I'd like to stay active, but frankly, end up watching crappy TV a lot -- even when it's nice out. Oh, and I'm broke, so haven't traveled in a while." I think I'd actually write that person.

    By Anonymous sandra, at 4/17/2006 11:43 AM  

  • Oh God how I hated match.com. Online dating can be entertaining, but exhausting and eventually just annyoing.
    I'm stopping by to say hello and I look forward to meeting you at TequilaCon this Saturday.
    Hi! *waves*

    By Blogger Sarah, at 4/17/2006 11:49 AM  

  • When I was on match.com, the worst thing was the amount of time it wasted. I would have to tighten up the criteria so narrowly in order to not have to screen through 400 profiles.

    I could have scoured the bars 10x over in that amount of time. Or at least hired an escort... ;)

    By Anonymous jenny, at 4/18/2006 3:21 PM  

  • Dude. One word for all those questions, "bitches."

    By Blogger Claven, at 5/05/2006 11:50 PM  

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