the search for 'neo'...


st. elsewhere

for men, dating is a lot like (pardon my explicitness) a big dick swinging contest.

woman may not understand what this means, but most guys probably get the gist - dating is about showing someone how ‘big’ you really are.

of course dating is never as straight forward as the above mentioned contest; in fact showing a women how ‘big’ you really are can be accomplished in a myriad of ways, which is WHY dating is so complicated - no two woman can agree on the criteria, no two woman will admit what they secretly want.

but its hard to refute that dating fundamentally boils down to (in women’s terms) a man’s ability to ‘wow’ his date.

if we (as men) can figure out what ‘wows’ a woman, we are in like flynn.

if we cant… we are out like a trout. ha!


obviously every women is different – thus the criteria for success is always a moving target.

anything is up for review: a man’s height, weight, looks, car, money, job, ethnicity, religion, personality, girth, attitude, build, eyes, hair… the list can go on and on (im not a women, so even EYE don’t know what the heck is on that list… ha!).

some of these criteria are verifiable immediately (profile pic!!!), while others can only be unearthed over time.

some of these criteria are ‘nice-to-haves’ while others are absolute dealbreakers.

and SOME of these criteria are completely ethereal and are just a ‘feeling’.

and unfortunately those criteria are usually the most important.


everyone’s got their fair share of dealbreakers – some of them are completely logical (i wont date someone who’s been to jail), while some of the others are completely superfluous (i wont date someone who’s been to new orleans) and yet still valid.

for better or worse, i have a long list of deal breakers.

and has only added fuel to this fire, by providing all the information that i need to make an ‘informed’ decision about someone (even tho im fairly certain that every girl in boston is lying).

but of course the swords slices bread both ways.

and as i peruse my ‘matches’ it often makes me wonder what OTHER people’s dealbreakers are.

what is it about me (my wink, my email, my profile, my photograph) that causes some people to think, ‘nope, not for me’.

don’t get me wrong, this isnt a sad thought.

im not hurt or frustrated by someone who isnt interested in me - because i can be just as picky, and just as judgmental the next person.

and ultimately isn’t that what we all want?

don’t we want someone who is just as picky and just as judgmental, but yet (for some reason) we still chose them and they still chose us?


im taking a ‘match’ out for dinner on saturday night.

our connection surprisingly progressed much along the lines of how was designed to work: i looked at her profile a couple of times and then winked at her, she looked at my profile and winked back, i wrote her an email, she wrote me an email, i disappeared for a couple of weeks, then i replied to her email and gave her my number, she replied and gave me her number, finally i called her flinging flanging number and got a flinging flanging date out of it.

i like to claim that i don’t want to meet a girl in a bar because it will be an awkward explanation for our future kids. it would probably go something like this: ‘i was pounding beers when i saw your mom from across the crowded bar, and from the way she slammed those tequila shots, i just KNEW that she was the one. later that night as she projectile painted the ladies bathroom floor, i fell in love…’

its strange to think that THAT sounds more acceptable than talking about how we traded winks and scoped out each others profile via the interweb.



but we’ve made it this far.

and that has to say something – we know alot more about each other than most people on first dates do.

we know what each other looks like*. we know how tall each of us is (a surprisingly important requirement for women searching for men). and we know what each person likes to do for ‘fun’.

im not super excited for this date, but i cant decide if that’s because has sucked the intrique out of this, OR if its because im not vibing this girl. i hopes its the former, not the latter.

ive decided that profiles, winks, emails, and phone calls don’t count when getting to know someone.

so it still comes down to that very first meeting.

saturday is THE night - will i impress her with how 'big' i am? will she hit one of my dealbreakers?

no matter what happens, at the end of the night we will either know or we wont.

so be it.

* this reminds me of something that i commented to another blogger - 'appearance is the marijuana (i.e. gateway drug) of relationships. its the introduction, but never the addiction. its why we meet other people, but never the reason we continue talking. in the end, i want a relationship that is based on crack or speed, not pot. i want someone who likes my looks, but craves my personality. dont you?' - hooizz

'you can never really know another person, except by your first glance at him. because in that glance we know everything. even though we're not always wise enough to unravel the knowledge' -ayn rand


  • Can I explain the height thing for you? I'm not sure if it's the case for everyone but for me, it's all about feeling feminine. As in, feeling smaller (physically) then the guy you're with, even if you want to be equal with them (if not kicking their butt!) on every other level. It's kind of like the last remnant of "man take care of woman" (insert caveman grunt here) biology, I think...

    By Anonymous sandra, at 4/26/2006 7:19 PM  

  • Good luck with the date! When I was doing the online dating thing I also approached it much the way you seem to: as a socialogical experiment. Heh.
    The thing it did do for me was help me become more clear about what I wanted in the other person, and what was important to me.
    The dates were odd...I had one guy who I totally hit it off with and we seemed to really like each other, then he went away on business and halfway through emailed me to say he had 'clicked' with a coworker and wanted to see where it went. Burned the bridge. Other guys were just flat on the chemistry right off the bat.
    Ultimately, I ended up falling in love with my now-husband over his words...all email exhanges for years as friends until we said how we had come to feel. He didn't 'look' like what I thought I wanted. He is shorter than me (which was something I thought I couldn't deal does seem to be a strange biological imperitive thing).
    He is the perfect match for me, as it turns out.

    By Blogger Sarah, at 4/28/2006 8:04 AM  

  • In my experience on Match, guys are a full 2" shorter than what they say they are. Therefore, I won't date a guy shorter than 6' 1".

    Good luck on the date! If anything, it looks like you're taking her to quite the schmancy place for a first time meeting -- hopefully a good dinner will be had! We want a full report come next time you post.

    By Blogger Megan, at 4/28/2006 1:43 PM  

  • sandra - good to know (ill wear my lifts more often!)

    sarah - you keep me hopeful!

    megan - see my comment to sandra above (ha!). im AMAZED that anyone would lie about their height - how is something like that NOT going to be discovered eventually? if you're going to lie about something, at least lie about something good (like how you like cats... or how much money you make...) ha!


    By Blogger hooizz, at 5/03/2006 11:57 AM  

  • well meeting your partner online doesn't exactly make for a less awkward explanation for the future kids. but then again one of my friends met her husband via an online dating site and they were on different sides of the world!

    ryc: oh and i think that's a very good definition of baggage.

    By Blogger jo c, at 5/04/2006 6:09 PM  

  • blown away.
    Found my way here via Sarah...

    Maybe I will go to TequilaCon myself next time. Also living in Beantown at the moment, blogging.

    Do you smell a fire in the night air? I am serious. I keep smelling fire. Somewhere.

    By Anonymous sheryl, at 5/08/2006 10:07 PM  

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