car pay muthafukkin dee em
you shouldn’t do it unless you actually want to.
and ever since i moved to
which is a total effin lie, because if i had the opportunity to do 'it', i would.
which is another effin lie, because i believe that people (i.e you and me) make our own opportunities – so if i haven’t blogged, and if i haven’t dated, its because im a slackass bitch and i haven’t been ‘seizing the day enough’.
which is kinda sorta true.
i haven’t seized every opportunity that’s presented itself.
i didn’t call a cute doctor girl who gave me her number on new years eve. even tho she was cute and i really dug her vibe.
i tried to call, but not very hard.
i also haven’t taken the moment to blog down everything that’s happened, and every thought that ive had over the last two months. even tho alot has happened, alot has been thought, and alot has been forgotten.
i tried to write, but not very hard.
which is really the crux of this issue – why do something, if you’re not going try to do it right?
why call a girl that lives in RI, when you know that its not going to work out?
why write a work in progress, when you know that you don’t have the time to finish it?
you tell me.
i totally effed up on the girl from new years.
she looked how i wanted her to.
(tall. short jacket over a dressy tank top, w/ tight jeans and a pair of heals. great auburn hair. clear blue eyes)
she acted how i wanted her to.
(bubbly. engaging. animated. vivacious)
she was who i wanted her to be.
(med school. well spoken. intelligent)
so why didn’t i call her?
i don’t know.
my best friend and i crashed a house party for new years.
small – intimate gathering, but surprisingly a decent amount of cute single girls.
i noticed her immediately – it was hard not to.
but i played it cool.
i grabbed a beer and started a conversation with my friend, and another guy.
the three of us clustered, until she segued into the group.
first she started talking to the dood. apparently they knew each other.
then she introduced herself and spoke to my friend.
whats your name? what do you do? how do you know the host? etc etc.
her laser-like concentration was directed at my friend – so much so, that i actually made a mental note that she had absolutely no interest in me whatsoever (but maybe my friend had a chance).
not even a glance in my direction.
im standing RIGHT there.
and she walks away.
no break in the conversation
no one saying, ‘hey laurie, come over here and check this out!’
she just picked up and left us.
so we dispersed.
im standing by the cocktail table picking over the drink selection when she floats back into the room.
and i don’t even remember how things started, but suddenly we’re talking.
i have no idea what we’re saying.
the words tumble and jumble out of my mouth, but i have no idea what they MEAN.
but it seems to be working, she’s smiling and nodding.
she’s laughing– an uproarious knock your head back laugh.
and every so often, she reachs out and touches my arm to emphasize her point.
point about what?
i don’t know.
but at that point in time, i didn’t really care either.
its all good in the hood
we talked for more than an hour.
but eventually our conversation waned (as conversations will) and we drifted apart.
the new year rang in, and i sang auld lang syne alone.
i didn’t mind
i had tried to position myself next to her for new years, but that shit only works in movies.
shortly after midnight, i convinced my friend to leave early so that we could catch last call at a local bar.
on our way out the door, i took a detour into the kitchen to say goodbye to the girl.
she gave me one of those, ‘oh you’re leaving?’ kinda looks.
she said, ‘let me give you my number in case you want to talk more about italy’.
i said yeah that would be great, and punched it into my cell.
she said, ‘let me give you my email address too.’
and clip clopped around the party looking for something to write with– eventually settling for an eye liner pen.
i forgot her name.
which is no reflection on her, im just horrible with names.
and i did call once – hoping to get her voicemail and find out what her name was…
but i never called back a second time.
i have my doubts over whether or not i misread that evening.
was it deliberate when she blew me off the first time?
was she interested and playing hard to get?
did i blow it?
why did i blow it?
or is this situation, and this blog entry the perfect example of not doing something right?
i don’t know.