he's just not that... full of shit.
and as i expected, 'he's just not that into you' is complete and utter shite.
i havent even gotten past page five.
after going off on more than a number of my female friends about this book, one of them finally told me to shove my uninformed opinion where the sun doesnt shine, and lent me her copy.
saweet! $20 savings. cha ching!
most of you should have an idea of my feelings on this book. if you dont... you should.
but despite my previous 'feelings', my hope was to read this book with an open mind, and an open heart. my plan was to keep my cynicism to a minimum, and try to restrain my laughter.
i didnt even make it past page 5.
i still plan on reading onwards - in fact i plan on finishing the book. but all that talk of an open yada yada yada has been dutifully tossed into the proverbial dumpster.
because this book is a joke.
as ive previously stated, i agree with many of the points that this book stands for:
- if a man does not make the effort to call you, he is just not that into you
- if a man is just not that into you, you should not make excuses for why he is just not that into you
- if you are not making excuses for him, you should not waste your time waiting for him to call
- if you are not waiting for him to call, you should go out and find someone new - someone who WILL call you.
- yada yada yada
i agree wholeheartedly with these statements. and my impression is that these statements are the basis of this book. so in THEORY i agree with this book. in THEORY i think this book is telling women the truth about something that they should already know (but apparently dont).
and then i read the top of page five.
page five of greg behrendt and liz tuccillo's book talks about the women who was the catalyst for 'he's just not that into you'. in the book, greg's description of this women states, 'Here is this beautiful, talented, super-smart girl, who is a writer on an award winning TV show, a show known for its incisive observations about men, who you would think could have her pick of just about any dude around."
i thought this book was about telling women the truth. i thought it was about providing some insights when it comes to men. i thought that the author's intentions were to tell women what men really think.
'beautiful... talented... super-smart' sounds alot like somoene's fairy tale. 'beautiful... talented... super-smart' sounds alot like somebody blowing smoke up someone else's (ass) skirt.
in other words it sounds alot like sugar coated bullshit.
now, i dont know the women that this description describes. i dont know if she is (or isnt) any (or all) of these things. i dont know if this description is accurate. but my guy bullshit meter strongly suggests that it is not.
maybe she is 'beautiful' in the inner goddess kinda way. maybe her 'talent' and her 'super-smart'ness enhances her beauty. but i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it takes alot for a guy to lose interest in a women who is beautiful. she'd have to be box-of-rocks dumb. she'd have to be anna-nicole smith annoying. she'd have to be britney spears melodramatic. she'd have to be lindsay lohan bitchy.
in other words, it would take ALOT for a guy to be 'just not that into...' her' if she was beautiful.
in other words i think greg behrendt is full of shit. i think greg behrendt tells enough of the truth for women to think that the book makes sense, but glosses over some of the more salient points that need to be made.
'he's just not that into you', should be renamed to 'shes just not that hot'
ive seen the 'behind the scenes of sex-and-the-city' tv special (yeah im embarrassed), and i feel comfortable stating this: the writers for the show are surprisingly... not hot.
some of them are in fact... ugly.
so ladies, let me tell it to you straight - if you are hot, and a guy walks away because he's just not that into you, its because you have major issues. BUT if you aren't hot, and a guy walks away because he's just not that into you, its possibly because you're not hot... enough for him.
five pages down, many more to go.
fuck. ha!
posted by hooizz at
11/21/2004 11:04:00 AM
4 comments:
I've read this in one quick trip to B&N and I can say that the one thing that women should take away from it is this: Get over it.
Even if nothing else matters in the book, that one little bit that ties it all together hits most women like a ton of bricks. Women want to get together and talk about why it didn't work, how it was her/wasn't her, what could've possibly been the guys motive for saying/doing what he did, etc. Rehashing is the pits and I like that this just cuts to the chase: Drop it. He's gone. Find someone else.
But, I do find what you are saying quite insightful, too. But, are we to view all men as looking only for complete "hotness"? Because, if you, as a guy, give me permission to say that that is basically at the root of what guys want, I'll continue saying it without fear of reprisal. ;) (And I'll be able to say, "Well, it isn't because I'm not intelligent. It isn't because I'm psycho. It's because I'm just not that hot." I'm pretty much okay with that.)
By
Anonymous, at 11/21/2004 1:17 PM
hiya jess! i expect that this post will garner quite a bit of attention from people. i expect that this post will generate alot of hate mail. i expect that this post will piss off quite a few people.
i expect that most people cant handle the truth. ha!
i wasnt giving you a blanket get out of jail 'hot' card - rather i was pointing out what the books authors refuse to admit - that despite most girls being very NICE people, they arent always the most attractive. and yes, looks do count.
people who say looks dont matter are kidding themselves. im not saying its everything. im not saying its the most important thing. im just saying that its important. and i dont believe in the 'everyone is a beautiful person in their own way' philosphy.
i consider myself on the high end of average looking. girls dont necessarily fight over me (but they have). im usually not the hottest guy in a crowd (but i can be). i usually dont even get the term 'hot' tossed at me all that often (but it does happen). i acknowledge my looks (or lack thereof) and understand that i may not be a girls's type because of my looks.
im just not hot enough for them.
and i think its pathetic for someone to write a book to supposedly tell the 'truth' about guys, without fessin' up and acknowledging that guys are into looks (just as much as women) and not everyone woman is that attractive.
in fact as i slog my way through this book, i find that the book reinforces the idea that every woman is beautiful, and any guy who runs away is a moron.
we're not morons, we just think we can find someone who is just as nice, but hotter. ha!
cheers
hooizz
http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=hooizz&tab=weblogs&uid=112016800
By
hooizz, at 11/21/2004 6:58 PM
I agree with Jett, hooizz: Perhaps you should write a book about this that responds to these issues. Believe me, you definitely won't get hate mail from me, as I would tend to agree with you on many points.
I find, though, as I've previously mentioned, that I am often attracted to someone's personality and/or words more often than I am attracted to them physically. (Hence the fact that I could fall into Robert Browning's example of finding a mate.) I am not saying, though, that I don't have a "type" that I might do a double-take on, but I have friends who comment on the fact that the people I find "intriguing" are often not the most attractive people around. In fact, the last guy I found myself very attracted to was not at first physically attractive to me at all. I had to get to know him and have conversations with him for him to grow on me. I'm in the minority of people, though, and know it. My female friends can count on one hand the number of times they hear me say, "Wow, look at that guy. He's hot!" (or any variation thereof, up to and including, "I was attracted to this guy because he's hot"). I just don't go for pretty boys or the typical "good-looking guy." It takes quite a bit to impress me, and feats of strength, shows of machismo, and words of bravado don't do it for me. Neither do your looks, to be honest.
But, don't think that I'm the rule, as I'm not. I don't think myself better than other women; I'm just not interested in dating too terribly much and am not sizing up each guy I meet/see as a potential. *shrugs* It's probably the last thing that enters my mind. To be quite honest, every guy I have ever liked in the past has been someone who had to grow on me in one way or another. Physical attraction came after the initial intellectual attraction.
However, don't think that I'm saying that physical attraction matters not at all, because I would definitely be lying. There most definitely have been guys who are extremely intellectually attractive to me but never progressed to being physically attractive. I don't know how to explain from whence that second layer will come from for me, but...sometimes it doesn't happen.
Of course, I will admit that the opposite has happened as well. There have been guys (and mistakes) who were physically attractive to me but not intellectually attractive. Sometimes knowing someone is adverse to your wanting to actually have a real relationship with them. It happens.
As a woman, I know that sometimes relationships don't work out because the people aren't compatible for a number of reasons. I don't place the blame on the man but neither will I accept full blame either. It takes two to make a relationship work and it takes the same number to destroy one completely. If a guy isn't interested in me, though, it doesn't really matter to me if I'm not hot enough (definitely possible), not smart enough (again, possible), a bit too psycho (most likely *winks*), or even a bit intimidating (whoa, boy, get that one a lot). What matters is that something about me didn't mesh with him or something about him didn't mesh with me. Either way, it wasn't meant to work and, as I said previously, I just need to get over it. Sitting here trying to place blame on me or on him won't work. Taking real stock in what happened, deciding what needs to change and what I'm willing to accept in the next relationship, and then moving on will work.
Not every guy leaves because his girl isn't hot enough (nor vice versa). If that were true, these people I see with boy/girlfriends would never have one. Hey, just being honest. Look around. Weird people are hooking up all the time. Don't tell me you've never seen a couple and thought, "What does that one see in the other? Eeegads!" There are other reasons. But, yes, it's true that not every girl left was left because the guy was a jerk and not worth her time. I'll admit it: Women chase guys away sometimes. They can be clingy and needy or psycho or just dippy. But, the flip is also true. Guys can freak us girls out just as well.
I don't buy into the fact that all of us are perfect and you guys are just idiots who can't see how great you have it. I don't. I'm glad to see some honesty from a guy (even one who is a "romantic realist" such as yourself. *laughs*)
But, dangit! I really wanted that "get out of every relationship free and clear by calling every guy a shallow pig" card. Hmph. I'll just have to admit that not all women are hot enough to allow them to have little quirks that otherwise their boyfriend would overlook. ;)
X-posted
By
Anonymous, at 11/21/2004 8:42 PM
The opinion you share while it is "sensational" it is still not educated. You admit this yourself. Why did you write this without having at least read the entire book?
I have read this entire book (actually I listened to the audio first then went back and read it)
In the beginning of the story my response was the same as yours. Some of the letters they share were just remedial...but, by the end of the book I had stopped laughing.
Had you completed the book you would have learned that these are case studies of different experiences from different people and the book graduated from the basic to the more complex. They were exaggerated stories to help clearly illustrate a point.
I am not ugly and I have a lot of personal experience in relationships and I could relate to only some of the experiences but those were enough to give me a new approach to the more subtle points they were trying to convey in the book.
There are better books out there but this one is a good start.
Read the whole book before you comment, your comments will contribute to the greater good not just tear down other people’s hard work and actual research on a topic.
By
Kitty_Kelly, at 1/28/2008 11:21 AM
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