women scare me

theres something about he's just not that into you that irks me

and i havent even read the damn book yet

so part of me says that maybe i should wait until i read the damn thing, (a part of me that the rest promptly proceeds to ignore) before spouting off to anyone who will listen.

spouting off in blogs, spouting off to friends, spouting off to friends of friends, and even spouting off to random women in bars.

im the moby dick of women's self help books. ha!

not that i have anything against self help books. ive read my fair share - ill read anything that strikes me as insightful.

im just THAT kinda book whore.

so if im not anti-self help, then why do i have such a beef with behrendt and tuccillo? am i scared that they'll spill all my 'manly' secrets to the female population?

hardly.

to be honest, my beef is simple - i just dont get it. i just dont get why women would want to read this book. i just dont get why women would want to read this book, and then actually think that its insightful. i just dont get why women would want to read this book, and then actually think that its insightful enough to tell other women about.

i.just.dont.get.it.

but then again, maybe thats because i havent read the book. ha!

i may not have read it, but ive heard plenty about it. so here's what ive heard in a nutshell: ‘women lie to themselves. they lie to themselves, and they lie to each other. and when a relationship between a man and a women falls apart, the women lies to herself, and her friends lie to her too. she makes up excuses, they [her friends] make up excuses. excuses why he doesnt call. excuses why he doesnt like her enough. excuses why he likes her too much.'^^^

you know those kinda excuses.

and according to people who have actually read the book, he’s just not that into you provides the following insight: ‘if he doesnt call, he’s just not that into you. if he doesnt commit, he’s just not that into you. if he doesnt... WHATEVER the hell you want him to do, he’s just not that into you.’

(DUH doesnt even begin to describe my thoughts on this 'insight')

but the book goes on... it imparts the following wisdom: 'if he's not into you, stop making excuses for him. its not because he's in the wrong stage of his life. its not because he's older (or younger). its not because he's on the rebound or he's never dated - its because HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.'

(i tell ya, the spawn of sex-and-the-city are so thoughtful to build their book’s message into the actual title of their book. what a bunch of smarty fartys. ha!)

'and if he’s just not that into you... dont make excuses for him. move on, because someone else WON'T need excuses, and you deserve a guy who won't want you to make an excuse for him. he wont need it.'

amen sista's, i whole heartedly agree.

i agree that if a man cant take the time to call you - cant take two minutes out of his day to pick up his cell phone and press speed dial, then he isnt into you. i agree that if a man cant take the time to call you, you should stop making excuses for him. i agree that if a man cant take the time to call you, you should stop making excuses for him and then you should go find someone who does want to call.

but let me ask you this… do we really need a fucking clit*** self help book to tell us all that? let me rephrase... do WOMEN really need a fucking clit self help book to tell them that?

i mean COME ON!!! i make fun of silly women alot, but i certainly gave them more credit than this!

but maybe i shouldnt.

because my girl friends LOVE this book. and good for them. good for them that theyve found something that has changed their lives. good for them that theyve found something that has made them happy. good for them that theyve found something that has made them realize that they are worth more than they originally imagined - worth more than a pound of lousy excuses for a lousy guy who cant pick up the phone to call.

but let met ask you this simple question, the question that ive asked everyone whos read the book... the question that no one seems to have a satisfactory answer for:

'is it better for you to make up excuses for some lame ass guy who didnt call, or is it better to realize that there is something about you (something about your hair, your personality, your body, your face, your voice, your ass) that made this lame ass guy not want to call you?'

is it really better to think like this, than to think that he's just not calling because... he's lost his cellphone? (ok, fess up. how many of you have used that one) ha! it sounds to me like 'he’s just not that into you' is a nice way of saying that he thinks you arent his type. and i think we all know what thats code for...

y o u f i g u r e i t o u t.

'but... but...' pipes in a friend of a friend, 'thats not the point. the point of the book is that its not MY problem that he didnt call, its HIS problem.'

and then she uttered something that shocked me, 'its his problem that he doesnt call, and im tired of making excuses for him. there's nothing wrong with me, and if he cant accept me for who i am, then fuck him. i dont need to change for him. somewhere out there is a guy who will call me back for who i am, and he will want me exactly as i am.'

we have just lost cabin pressure.

if this is what he’s just not that into you is extolling - if this is the final message of he’s just not that into you, then there is going to be an entire generation of bitter and lonely old maids who will be waiting for prince charming to come up and accept them for 'who they are'.

as if we dont have enough bitter thirty three year olds as it is. (i should know, i keep running into them).

this is a big topic for me. its something near and dear to my heart. i can spend hours (i can spend days) talking about it. but i will try to be succinct. in fact i will hardly write anything at all.

i will sum it up rather simply (ive written this before and it is still my favorite relationship quote):

'relationships do not fail because of incompatibility, they fail because of inflexibility'

to expect someone to love you for exactly who you are is ridiculous. all of us are fallible humans. all of us have our own share of quirks, attitudes, tics and idiosyncrasies. expecting someone to accept you for who you are is part of a healthy relationship, but so is trying to change some of your own idiosyncrasies to accommodate the other person (to cushion the blow of who you really are...). to expect someone to unabashedly love you for who you are (take it or leave it) is ludicrous.

although no less ludicrous than grown women thinking that he’s just not that into you is insightful literature.

and that is what scares the beejesus out of me.

it scares me that women actually believe that reading he’s just not that into you may be a watershed moment in their 'neiman marcus is way better than bloomingdales' lifestyle.

it also scares me that im going to have to pay $20.00 to read this damn book before my friends will listen to me point out how ludicrous all of this really is.

*** clit = chick lit (credit goes to my ex)

^^^ since i havent actually read the book, im paraphrasing friends who are paraphrasing the book. ha!