back on the friendship tip

i often ask people the following question: what complicates friendships more - sex or love?

marinate on that for a moment.

id like to say that i have a witty answer or an insightful comment to impart to you, but the truth is that i dont. all i have is a truckload of experiences, a bus full of friendships, and a sneaking suspicion that maybe (just maybe) this is a question that i shouldnt be seeking the answer to.

unfortunately as much as i try to avoid seeking it out, it tends to seek me instead.

which is why i once again found myself posing the age old question, 'what would harry do?'. and by that i mean, harry - of the 'when harry met sally' persuasion.

i think that 'when harry met sally' was a great movie; it was charming, it was witty, it was entertaining - it was a movie ahead of its time.

but lets face facts, it was also a movie full of shit.

because as much as i love chowin' down on harry and sally's witty banter, awkward sexual tension, and predictable romantic overtones, i find myself choking on more than my fair share of hollywood gristle.

but what do you expect? this is the same industry that led the entire male population to believe that well-educated novelists arent smart enough to wear underwear (or cross their legs) when they're being grilled in a police station...

i (still) heart sharon stone. ha!

hollywood would love to have us (i.e. theelevendollarpayingfridaynightmoviewatchingeneralpublic) believe all manner of lies. and i think its fairly obvious that im a sucker for make believe (afterall, i still believe that sharon stone could be an author... ha!)

which brings us full circle to the farce that i like to call 'when harry met sally'. WHMS was famous for two things, meg ryan faking her orgasm, and billy crystals conversation about how men and women cant be friends.

with regards to the first- all i have to say is that women are fakers. deal with it, and move on. (this statement only applies to women who i have NOT slept with... i am utterly convinced that every woman that i have been with was thoroughly satisfied with my performance) ha!

as for the second - this topic is slightly more complicated than the colletive bruised ego of the entire male gender . read on, and see why.

harry : you realize of course that we could never be friends.
sally : why not?
harry : what I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
sally : that's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
harry : no you don't.
sally : yes i do.
harry : no you don't.
sally : yes i do.
harry : you only think you do.
sally : you say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
harry : no, what im saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
sally : they do not.
harry : do too.
sally : they do not.
harry : do too.
sally : how do you know?
harry : because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
sally : so, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
harry : no. you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
sally : what if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
harry : doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

but is that really the end of the story?

sex rears its purple head (ha!) in any relationship between a man and a women; anyone who tells you differently is full of shite. ya gotta give it up to harry for callin' the ball on that one. but to say that the act of THINKING about sex ALWAYS dooms a friendship, is slightly over-stating the obvious.

complicates yes, dooms... not necessarily.

we think about sex... alot. im sure you've all heard the six seconds theory (i.e. humans think about sex every six seconds yada yada yada). but thinking of sex, a sexual encounter does not make (much to the dismay of most men). ha!

and that is the key to disproving harry's law of friendship - unless a sexual act is actually performed, most of us are able to continue functioning in normal male-female friendships.

but when sex actually happens... well thats when the icing gets a little sticky on the cake.

or in my case... things get stick(ier) when i actually demonstrate that having sex (with me) might actually be worth 'dooming' a friendship for. (oh shit, im gonna get slammed for that one - please be gentle ).

this isnt an ego thing. you guys dont know me (so you dont need to take my word for it). but i seriously am in a bit of a pickle (truly an unintentional pun).

this weekend i found myself holding back on (what could be) the best sex of my life.

all because she is an awesome person more than she is a piece of ass. all because i want to give her a hug, more than i want to lick the sweat off of her body. all because i appreciate her friendship more than i would appreciate (what could be) the best sex of my life.

i know that she is very very good at what she does / wants to do, and i AM attracted to her in 'that kinda way'.

but there in lies the rub - ive had plenty of friendships that have fallen by the wayside when things got in the way (love, sex, distance, boyfriends, girlfriends, unreciprocated feelings etc.). but in this particular case, i dont want sex to be the reason that this friendship fell apart.

this time its not worth the risk.

i can only hope that i can pull this one out (damnit!), and get us back on the friendship tip (double damnit!). ha!

sometimes you have to learn that throwing in the towel, is the only way to save the match.

PS- im not really looking for advice on this one, i (think i) know what needs to be done. i just... wanted to shrug off what has been weighin' on me recently. thanks for listening tho.