the posterboy

i like to think of myself as a hopelessly romantic realist. my ex-girlfriend may try to disagree with this fact, (my pragmatism begets conservativism begets pessimism begets realism) BUT i will respectfully disagree. afterall how can you tell me that im not a hopeless romantic? how can you say that, when i believe in kitschy shit like true love, soul mates, the one, the perfect girl for me etc etc. i should be the posterboy of romantics everywhere!

unfortunately this posterboy is also an oxymoron. afterall, how can i be logical, methodical, and realistic in both action and thought, and yet feel so strongly about something that ive never seen nor touched, nor experienced. now before you get confused, i want to clarify that im not talking about love; i have loved and been in-love before. love is a giddy high that you never want to come down from... but if youve been paying attention to my posts, obviously im not nearly as giddy as i used to be.

whats amazing about believing in all that "stuff", is that we continue to do so, even after failed relationship after failed relationship after failed relationship. i dont (just like most of you) consider all of my relationships failures. some were ideally suited for the moment, fulfilling a need, an itch, an urge, a void. on that basis, its hard to say that they were failures. but to put it quite simply, they didnt go the distance (and maybe they werent supposed to). its sad to say, but every relationship that we've committed to will eventually fail. there is just one exception, and that happens only as your very last relationship (if it even happens). woah! thats alot of pressure to throw out there. but its the truth. my past relationships... all came to the end. i expect that my most of my future relationships will come to an end too. all except one (hopefully).

i wonder what Pavlov would have to say about our kamikaze dating behavior? it makes me think of fraternity hazing, "SMACK!!! thank you sir, may i have another". it makes me think of going an unknown number of rounds in the ring with a cross between mike tyson and muhammad ali. people who believe in the one are the energizer bunnies of relationships. we keep on going, and going, and going, and going.

why do we do it? where did this idea come from? how did we get this way? i guess more importanly how did i get this way? in case you REALLY havent been paying attention, im a guy. im not supposed to care about relationships and soul mates. shouldnt i be more concerned with t & a?

those are all great questions, but unfortunatley this is only my third post and i dont think we've made enough progress to unravel all of these thoughts. for now, im going to keep my nose clean and keep my eyes peeled... because ya never know.