i am an ass-tronaut.

watching yesterdays episode of grey’s anatomy, i cant help but think that my life has taken a turn for the worse.

because i cant remember the last time i fucked an intern in a hospital supply closet.

which is not to say that ive ever fucked anybody (intern or not) in a hospital supply closet.

but that’s not the point.

the point is that ive come to terms with the fact that not only am i a loser who has never had the opportunity to have sex in a hospital supply closet, i am also a loser who lacks even the fundamentals for fulfilling this cheesy-soap opera ‘maneuver’… because i don’t even know a hospital intern to execute said maneuver with! ha!

don’t get me wrong – my life is not lacking because of my limited supply closet experiences.

ive got a good job. ive got my health. and ive got money in the bank.

but sometimes i get the feeling that my life has taken a turn for the worse.

im not doing the things that i want to do. im not meeting the people i want to meet. im not making the friends that i want to make.

this is not a new feeling for me.

i get this feeling every-so-often, and usually it results in a little introspection, a little self-involvement and eventually a complete revamp of my lifestyle.

i happen to be blessed with a fairly flexible character, an innate ability to pick up practically any sport/activity and be “good” at it, and an overall willingness to try new things.

which basically means that i become pretty much anything if i put my mind to it (within reason of course – im not going to become buzz aldrin anytime soon).

its sad, because i can already feel myself preparing for a fundamental shift – a shedding of the past and the present, so that i can explore and develop a future.

in a nut shell, i think im at a point where i just don’t care.

(its sad to say, but i get to that point very easily).

its easy to throw in the towel, when you know you have the ability to change and move on with little thought and not a whole lot of baggage to carry.

unfortunately im not sure how many more changes i have in me.

do i really want to do this again? can i really do this again? should i just accept the life that i am leading?

and the penultimate question: can i really do better?

the problem is that i am too easily dissatisfied.

which scares me, because i am worried that i will never be satisfied with anything.

ever.