two thumbs up (a cheatin' repost from april 21st , 2004)***

'if you had to choose, which would you rather sacrifice: your penis or both of your thumbs?'

think about it for a second (substitute appropriate genitalia if you are not a man) and then continue reading.

this particular line of questioning came up over drinks in one of my favorite bars in felds point (b'more, MD), the green turtle. guys being the way guys are (or maybe its my friends being the way my friends are) tend to have these types of 'philosophical' discussions over a round (or ten) of drinks. our tables were littered with lots of 'dead bodies' and we had just ordered another round, which means it was a perfect time to embark on a heated discussion about our penises.

lock and load, line 'em up and knock'em down. (chug... chug... chug!)

so around the table we went. thumbs... thumbs... thumbs... thumbs... penis.

apparently EVERYONE at the table was willing to trade in their opposable thumbs for a shot at keeping their ding-a-ling.

except for me.

'what da hell do you mean you'll sacrifice your thumbs for your penis!?!?! are you telling me that if lorena bobbitt comes over and asks you to choose, you're gonna gamely put your hands down on the cutting block?' -[me]

'yep' -[everyone else]

perhaps i wasnt drunk enough yet, or i was thinking about this too logically... but SERIOUSLY, these guys were willing to trade in appendages that they use every minute, of every day, to keep possession of a device that is lucky to see some action once or twice on friday & saturday night (and it cant even be depended upon to always work during those times either).

in any case, the night proceeded with much discussion and even some live demonstrations- try to imagine four inebriated fella's trying to pick up and drink their pints without using their thumbs to hold them. (it works surprisingly well) ha!

i had long forgotten this discussion, like many of the drunken discussions that ive had, until something came up this week. my girlfriend asked me if something was bothering me; if something was wrong. this isnt an unusual question for us; we both spend too much time thinking, and usually AT LEAST one of us is making a big deal out of nothing. but that wasnt the case this time round (at least not for me). i was keepin' my head down and my nose clean.

but what got the hamster wheel in my head really-a-spinnin' was WHY she thought something was rotten in denmark... she was worried because she felt that i wasnt AS interested in her physically as i normally was.

WOH! someone just dropped a proverbial deuce in the middle of my carpet.

and im embarrassed to say that she's right... right, but wrong at the same time. my girlfriend is gorgeous - smart, playful, sexy, funny --- totally a classic beauty. she's every man's wet dream- demure on the outside, a hellcat on the inside. i certainly dont deserve a girl like her.

but having said all that, i have to admit that i havent been paying enough attention to her, attention that she deserves. i dont think that im going to get into a big discussion about why - or more importantly why not. this topic is more for 'us' [my girlfriend and i] to discuss than for me to blog about.

*** ok tried to sneak away without airing my thoughts on this, but then i reconsidered. so here they are.

there are a myriad of factors that come out and play on this topic. ill try to cover a few, and let you imagine the rest.

timing has alot to do with it. more than she would care to admit. when it comes to sex between a man and a women, timing is everything. and there are just certain times that its more convenient to partake in the buffet than others. thats not to say that you CANT partake during this time, but if the man [i.e. me] isn't rip-off-his-pants horny, then it can be a very good reason to wave off the play. because lets face it, its not the most attractive time in a womens life.

i should also include the time before 'the time' in this equation, since (and i HATE to be the prototypical male) moody-mcpherson is not always an attractive lover to woo. sometimes its just easier to duck and hide away with a good book and wait for the storm to blow over. part of what makes my girlfriend so special is her fiery temperment and her exuberance for life; those attributes coupled with hormones that act like poprocks is like asking bobby knight to coach a HS women's basketball team.

now any (or all) female readers are probably going to staple me to a fence for saying all of the above, but i am willing to admit that not every reason for this situation is directly linked to my girlfriend. i will claim dual responsibility on this issue. so whats my problem(s)?

my biggest problem is that i can do without sex.

haha had you there for a second didnt i? what i really meant to say, is that i can do without sex... for a short period of time. meaning, that im not your typical man who cant get enough of the all-you-can-sex buffet. im not gagging for it. in other words, im not going to self-implode if i dont get my daily dose of ass. the problem is that since i dont miss it (until its been a noticeable amount of time), i dont recognize the cries for help.

the 'heynoteverybodycanturnitonandofflikeyoucomeoverhereandmakemequivertillthebedcollapses' cries for help. at least i dont hear them till it may be too late.

and thats not what you expect coming from a man. afterall, men are beings that tend to think more with the brain in their pants than they do with the brain in their ass (i mean head). so why am i so different? am i broken? hardly.

i would think that its a 'good' thing that im not dying of thirst when there is a drought; it means that i wont be climbing on my camel and running across the desert looking for another oasis's to sate my dry spell. logically it makes sense to wait around for the water to inevitably flow again. because when it rains... it pours.

i guess you could say that im as logical about sex as i am about relationships. i need sex just like i need a (perfect) relationship. but that doesnt mean ill get either. and im ok with that...for now. im willing to wait for the right time. because lets face facts, i would STILL rather have both of my thumbs than my penis. but who knows, that may change in the future.

quote of the day: sex is like air, you dont realize how important it is, until you dont have it anymore.

*** i thought it was appropriate to re-post this in order to keep with this weeks theme of sex. enjoy!