moolah bling

it is said that money matters can weigh more heavily on a friendship than the actual weight of the gold exchanged.

which is an important message even though we no longer trade in gold, and dollar bills hardly weigh a thing.

its still a good idea not to let friendship and money mix.

but of course this is always easier said then done.

everyone�s threshold is different when it comes to matters of friendship and money.

some people may feel comfortable lending someone several thousand dollars for a start up.

while other people may barely feel comfortable buying two consecutive rounds of drinks at the bar .

most people will be quick to point out that it all depends on how long you�ve known someone for, and how close the two of you are.

which is a great point, but i still think that its important to try and keep money and friendships separate for as long as possible.

because it�s a very slippery slope once alice falls down the rabbit hole.

personally, im on the fence about friends and money matters.

im comfortable sharing �the love� and buying a round or few for friends (or strangers alike), however money matters start getting dicey when the amount exchanging hands flips from two to three digits.

that�s when i start squirming like a five year old on a ten hour car ride.

but of course it all depends on how long i�ve known someone for, and how close the two of us are.

or at least that�s what i THOUGHT.

because apparently when denominations jump from hundreds to thousands, all bets are off.

which (in my humble opinion) is absolute shite.

don�t get me wrong � we�re hypothetically talking about a lot of effin money, so caution is absolutely necessary. but i also think that the rules outlined above should still apply.

either way, i think its important to talk things out IF that kinda money is in play. because if you don�t, friendships can be tested or even destroyed by the complications that money can bring.

it ain�t a party without complications.

which was never as clear to me as when i forwarded my resume to a friend.

seems simple right? ask a friend to help you look for a job.

point. click. shoot.

things became slightly more complicated. immediately.

i was contacted by his company�s recruiter, within a day of submitting my resume.

one day.

either my friend has major contacts (possible) �or- they are really interested in talking to me about opportunities with their company (also possible).

so far so good, right?

wrong.

imagine the biggest pinkest elephant that you�ve ever seen.

now imagine me and my friend in a small room with said elephant.

now imagine me and my friend excitedly ignoring said elephant, as it proceeds to stomp, snort and kick all of the furniture inside the room. i mean shit is FLYIN�. love seats are being smashed to smithereens. dining room tables are crushed in half, and then flattened completely. midgets are bouncing off of sofa beds and onto chopping blocks.

its anarchy.

and all my friend and i can do is placidly sit smiling at one another � while completely ignoring the mayhem or the pink elephant in the room.

now i will be the first to admit that i did not expect such a ruckus from a simple resume handoff. i certainly did not expect a one day turnaround, or follow discussions to fly so fast and so furious.

but they did.

which is GREAT! i am ecstatic.

but before i proceed, let me clearly state that i don�t have the job (yet).

i may never have the job (ever).

i don�t even know if i even want the job (at all).

but it is a possibility that i could get the job (in the future).

which would be fantastic � if not for validation that im on the right career path, then as a potential growth option.

i want the job (offer).

but if i get the job (big if), and i accept the job (maybe), and i survive my first couple of months on the job (likely), ill be forced to continue ignoring the big fluffy pepto bismo elephant with a rage problem.

because therein lies the situation � if i get the offer, if i accept the offer, if i stay with the company for X hoursdaysmonthsyears� my friend will reap the benefit of a referral fee.

which is great for him and great for me.

but im doing all of the work.

cue the elephant meelee.

now normally, im all about sharing �the love�. but this happens to be seven thousand dollars worth of love.

which is a helluva lot of love � surely there�s plenty to go round?

so i broached the subject.

and was immediately chastised for doing so.

because i was �putting him in a tough spot�.

it was �uncool� for me to bring up money matters with him, and that i shouldn�t allow money to come between our friendship. according to him, i was breaking an �unwritten code� of referral ethics.

apparently referral fee�s are on the same level as secret samurai societies, and tony soprano .

and on a certain level, i concede that his bullshit holds a little bit of water.

had he been a random stranger, an acquaintance, a friend of a friend, a former co-worker etc. i would never have mentioned it.

but he wasn�t. he was somebody that ive known for close to six years.

six years of babes, beers, booze and barfing.

six years where money never came up as an issue� until now.

and its HARDLY an issue.

but its still an issue.

because if the tables were turned, and i was referring a friend, i would share the love.

maybe i wouldn�t break it fifty-fifty (i don�t expect that from him either), but fair is fair. a portion of the proceeds should go to the referree (on top of everything else they are able to negotiate). i think its good faith � and good policy to give back a (albeit) smaller portion of the fee back to the person who actually did the work in the first place.

a random stranger, an acquaintance, a friend of a friend, a former co-worker etc. may not expect anything. but a good friend would definitely appreciate the sentiment.

but my friend was right, it does feel wrong to ask about his referral fee. but on the flipside, i think its wrong that he never mentioned it to begin with either. he may think that im allowing money to come between our friendship, but i believe that it�s the other way around. in either case, ive said my piece (and he�s said his). until he mentions it again, i shall not speak another peep about this topic to him.

i hope he thinks this decision through carefully.

money matters can weigh heavily on a friendship, and nothing weighs more than a pink fluffy elephant.