badder santa

i still believe in santa clause.

don’t laugh, he doesn’t like being laughed at.

and he’s a little sensitive about his weight, so don’t mention that either. (ha!)

im twenty five years old, and i still believe in santa clause.

which sounds a little funny.

hell, it IS a little funny.

even i can find the humor in the situation.

but i still don’t laugh about it.

i laugh on the inside.

because like i said, santa doesn’t like being laughed at.

and you don’t want to fuck with santa.

cause once you’re on santa’s shit list, you’re done.

you’re a goner.

you’re gonna be on there for a really long time.

a really really long time.

santa knows how to do two things really well: live in the north pole for a really long time, and make lists.

which is why you don’t want to be on any of santa’s shit ‘lists’

he has a list for naughty kids. and he has a list for nice kids.

which kind are you?

im a nice kid.

but i used to be a naughty kid.

very very very naughty.

do you know what santa clause gives naughty children for christmas?

onions and coal.

which is totally random

but i guess that’s the point.

because what the hell are you supposed to do with onions and coal on christmas day?

i sure as hell didn’t know.

yep, that’s right. i got onions and coal for christmas.

once.
i am dead serious.

once is all that it takes.

once you get onions and coal for christmas, you sure as hell work your butt off to get OFF of the naughty list for next year.

i think i was six years old. hell, i wasn’t even old enough to light a match.
there isnt a whole lot that you can do with coal, if you're not old enough to light a match.

looking back, i wish i had been old enough to have already watched ferris bueller

cause i would shoved that coal up someone elses butt as far as i could get it.

that woulda shown ’em

ya know that quote that tells people to take the lemons that life gives you to make lemonade out of?

well i should write a quote that tells people to take the coal that ol’ saint nick leaves ya, to make it into a ten carat diamond ring.

eat your heart out j-lo.

ha! ha! ha! (or ho! ho! ho!)

all joking (and funny/not-so-funny stories) aside, i am really happy that it is christmas. it is a wonderful time to look back on the many things that i have to be thankful for. i have many, MANY things to be thankful for - and one of those things is the opportunity that i have to write (and joke) with all of you.

on this wonderful christmas eve, may you all have a very merry christmas (and if you were nice, may santa bring you lots of good presents).

be safe, drive safe, party safe.

happy holidays

jen's stuck in ohare just like i was ~ thunder roadie seems to be MIA