an ode to a girl ***

i like how i heard you before i knew you

i like how you take someone’s shit and dish it right back at them

i like how you loudly declare that you are the hottest girl in the world

i like how this statement is partly bravado and partly the truth

i like how this statement is partly positive reinforcement for your own insecurities (deep down)

i like how everyone knows who you are, way before you know (if ever) who they are

i like how you jump, scream and shout because you need to be the center of attention

i like how this need is really a cover for you concern about not getting any attention at all

i like how you act tough, but are really so fragile, that an errant word could break you

i like how i want to just hold you when you get broken

i like how dangerous it feels to tread near that fine line

i like how you didn’t know my name (at first), but still accepted gifts from me

i like how you didn’t sweat the details

i like how you talk a big game

i like how you joke about everything

i like how your bravado goes in spurts - how you’re always so loud, but sometimes very quiet

i like how im the only one who notices that you’re really most fragile at that quiet moment - at least, until you’re loud again

i like how you would deny ever being fragile

i like how you flaunt your body even though its not perfect

i like how you can do a shimmy that might drive me wild

i like how you lay yourself out as you dive to dig a ball

i like how intense you are about winning the game

i like how you pretend you don’t care

i like how you wear big bug eyed sunglasses

i like how you asked people to pay you a dollar for touching your triathlon medal

i like how you pull together your fashion in ways that is so different every time i see you

i like how you flirt shameless with all the boys

i like how you gave up drinking and smoking all at once

i like how you decided to do a triathlon and a marathon all at once

i like the stories i hear about you

i like how im scared of the stories i hear about you

i like how its so easy to get the wrong impression about you

i like how you called me up for lunch

i like how you talk about all the guys who you know are interested in you

i like how you subtly told me that you weren’t interested in me

i like how everything about you can be an exaggeration

i like how you shoot me the perfect length email

i like how you respond back to me almost immediately

i like how ive evaluated you, but i constantly have to second guess my evaluation

i like how you don’t mind talking about your depression with me

i like how you don’t mind talking about your therapist with me

i like how you’re different from all of my other friends

i like how you don’t have a college degree

i like how you like going back to school

i like how you’re giddy about algebra

i like how you’re such a dork

i like how you’re smarter than most people who did finish school

i like how i think you are the type who could be a best friend for life

i like how i think you are also the type of friend who could self implode at any moment

i like how i think you’re the type of friend who would physically fight someone for hurting a friend of yours

i like how everything is an extreme for you

i like how we are an extreme

i like how we went from you not knowing my name, to us hanging out 4 days in one week

i like how hanging out is an all-day affair

i like how you completely disregard work to hang out

i like how your disregard for work has nothing to do with me

i like how intense you are about everything that you do

i like how you don’t blush when a bike geek suggest rubbing butter cream on your thighs and ass

i like how you would want him to just tell it to you straight

i like laying out on a beach blanket with you

i like making fun of the beach volleyball players with you

i like how you note that we’re both going to hell

i like how you’re not in a hurry to go home when you’re with me

i like how im not in a hurry to go home when im with you

i like how we inevitably hang out, go to dinner, and then go see a movie together

i like how you eat salsa

i like how competitive you are ‘ even when it comes to eating salsa

i like how you can eat an entire bag of movie popcorn

i like how you pour salt onto a napkin and proceed to pour salt from said napkin onto your popcorn until its done

i like how you scraped every last granule of salt from the napkin

i like how you were scared watching shaun of the dead

i like how you show up in the shortest skirt ‘ and have no qualms about showing off your ass

i like how this is an extension of your whole ‘center of attention, lest i be ignored’ thing

i like how you don’t drink alcohol

i like how you don’t drink alcohol until you suddenly do drink alcohol

i like how i think that maybe this decision to drink has something to do with me

i like how this sudden decision to drink probably has nothing to do with me

i like how she seated me right next to you for dinner’ when the rest of the entire table was open

i like how i don’t remember anything we talked about during dinner

i like how you were dancing in front of the band

i like how i danced in front of the band with you

i like how i just took your beer out of your hand and drank it

i like how you didn’t mind

i like how i wanted to go with you to the going away party

i like how i had no ulterior motive for going

i like how you admitted being very drunk and crushing on a particular boy

i like how i was mildly surprised to hear it

i like how i was disappointed, but not hurt

i like how my disappointment was more of an ego thing, than anything related to any feelings for you

i like how it wasn’t a big deal

i like how i could leave the party, and i didn’t have to take care of you

i like how you texted me in the morning about your boy crush

i like how you told me about how he crushed your heart

i like how he didn’t really break your heart, so much as make you feel like a fool

i like how you treated him for making you feel foolish

i like how you ignored me the next day - until i said your name

i like how as soon as i did, you immediately came over, laid on the sand and asked me to make your tummy feel better

i like how i tried to make you feel better

i like how i didn’t want to touch your stomach

i like how we’re both careful about giving off the wrong impression to each other

i like how you took your jeans on and off 10 times because you were cold

i like how you didn’t care about playing beach volleyball in your jeans

i like how you don’t care about showing off your badly bruised legs

i like how you dragged my ass through the sand and got sand down the front and back of my shorts

i like how i helped you do it

i like how you were distracted all day because the boy you liked was standing on the opposite side of the net

i like how you handled having the girl your boy was involved with, also hanging out

i like how you didn’t take the situation out on her

i like how you weren’t catty even when you had the perfect chance to be

i like how you waited till the very end of the day to have your talk

i like how you saved me a spot at dinner, right next to you

i like how you proudly declared that our salsa-off was the most fun you’ve had in a long time

i like how your boy was looking at me when you said this

i like how you’re using me to get back at him

i like how i could care less if you do

i like how you still volunteered to help him move, even though he had treated you badly

i like how you didn’t end up helping him

i like how you invited his girl to come with us to the beach, even though you didn’t want her around

i like how you are naive enough to not realize that this guy played you ‘ hard

i like how you’re comfortable talking about it with me

i like how you’re bitter and hate men

i like how you can still see the greater good in practically everyone

i like how you’re comfortable talking about all the guys you’ve slept with

i like how you’re not self-conscious about admitting how at one point you hadn’t had sex in a year

i like how you have had one-night stands, but still consider yourself a monogamist

i like that you’re a monagmist

i like how you talk about all the boys that like you

i like how you know exactly who and what you want to date

i like how you want to date a runner

i like how you’re willing to date someone who is not what you exactly want

i like how you’ve somehow asked/learned about my past history

i like how you’ve somehow done your homework on me

i like how you asked me questions about my ex girlfriend that you probably already knew the answers to

i like how i didn’t feel the need to find out how or why you had done your homework

i like how i felt comfortable telling you my story

i like how i cleaned my apartment for you

i like how you didn’t mind wearing a pair of my pants to dinner

i like how you laughed at my jokes

i like how you still wanted to hang out some more, and came back to my place to watch a movie

i like how you flinched at every single blow in fight club

i like how the entire couch shook, each time you flinched

i like how you figured the movie out way before the end

i like how i don’t know if we’ll continue to be friends tomorrow (or into the future), but i would like it if we were

***(a cheatin repost from sept 29) in memory of what could have been, and should have been, but never really had a chance to have been.