i said be aloof, not a doof.

this should be my mantra.

instead it’s a cheesy line that ive stolen from a friends episode.

but the way i figure it, if you’re going to steal, at least steal from someone better than you.

which is kinda sad, because that means that some schmucko writer @ friends is better than me.

i bet his blog gets more hits than my blog does.

which isnt hard, considering i get about five hits a day.

two of which are weirdos looking for pictures, and one of which is dfk checking in to see if ive written anything new.

unfortunately more often than not, i haven’t. thats probably one of the reasons that i only get five hits a day.

the other reason is that my writing sucks. ha!

which is something ive decided to try and rectify with this stream of conscious bollocks.

put gas in the tank, pop the clutch and just motor for a couple of minutes.

my mind is frenetic, so hopefully you’ll be able to keep up.

let me know if you cant…

not that i can do anything about that.

those of you who have been consistently reading me for a while (dfk, rejjy jackson, jessies girl, positively, anchored, runjenrun, lm) probably know that i think too much.

this is partly my nature, and partly my situation.

since im on the road a lot, i rarely have anyone to bounce my razzle dazzle off of. instead these thoughts just ping pongs around in my noggin, waiting to explode (like the bullet that bob pops off in the beginning/final scene of fight club).

running certainly helps to keep these thoughts under control.

running helps me to think blank, and burn energy – both at the same time.

im starting to taper, which means im almost at the end of my training.

which is both exciting and scary.

i live for this shit.

but i don’t want to die for this shit.

i feel like a soldier in world war ii – im so close i can almost stick out my tongue and touch it.

soldiers in world war ii accumulated points based on the duration that they were in combat, the activities they performed, their rank, and medals and honors that they received. if a soldier accumulated enough points, they were able to leave europe/asia pac, and go home.

if they didn’t, they had to stay and continue to fight.

soldiers who were close (but not quite) to having enough points usually became tentative because they didn’t want to be injured or killed when they were so close to going home.

i don’t want to be injured or killed when i am so close to running the marathon.

training is basically over, and all i have to do is wait.

which basically translates to think a think.

which is bad news for me, because when i over thinky think, i get into trouble.

not that im not capable of doing that by myself (thinking or no drinking)

i am surely bored.

lately i find myself attracted to the oddest girls – not because its convenient, or because im genuinely attracted to them, but because im bored.

what the hell, i don’t think she’s pretty, but she’s sorta kinda and not terribly boring.

or what the hell, i could seriously mess up my life if i pursue this girl (a different one), but what the hell im bored.

and finally, im not even interested in her, but i like talking to her and making her think that im interested in her, but im not. not because shes boring, or because im bored, but because i just don’t find her attractive.

part of me wants to chastise myself for not finding her attractive.

she’s cute-ish.

who am i to judge her (im sure there’s somebody out there who thinks she’s a hottie).

i just don’t happen to be him.

one of my roommates and i like to point out all the flaws on the girls that we meet.

another of my roommates likes to say, ‘eh, im not perfect either’.

it’s a good point to make, but quite frankly, he’s the slobbier, underemployed roommate who is balding.

part of me wants to say that he should take what he can get.

maybe i should take my own advice.

ive decided to stream of conscious blog this entire week. stop back tomorrow and find out why people should proofread and spell check their blogs before they post.

stop back and find out why i shouldnt blog every day.

~ z always looks so stoic~