my voice-over (a cheatin repost from may 7th)

my life is a hollywood movie. it may not be a hollywood blockbuster (i dont look like will smith, and i dont shoot a big gun or drive a porche), but it does have constant drama, and a rockin' good soundtrack. but thats not REALLy why i think my life is a movie. what really makes me think that, is the booming voice-over that has taken over the narration of my life.

'FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...' (cue ominious churchbell)

thats what my voice-over has been saying lately. for example, sometimes ill think to myself... 'geez! why do i have to get up so early for work? what a pain in the ass... i dont want to go to work... i want to sleep... how many more mornings do i have to do this for?"

'FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...'

theres nothing like a godlike voice-over to really drive a point home.

i started off this blog talking about the future (and my obsession with it). and although ive meandered my way through a myriad of different 'life' topics, i have deliberately opted to avoid the majority of my relationship landmines. the 'one-wrong-choice-and-you-forfeit-life-as-you-know-it' kinda landmines. in otherwords, the 'FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...' kinda landmines.

lets start off with the facts.**

• i am 25 years old.

• i have been dating my girlfriend for 1.5 years.

• i dont feel any rush to get married.

...except i do

its so cliche. and i hate to be cliche. but she wants to begin her life (potentially OUR life), and i want to live my life (MY life). we've talked about it several times (as people in longterm relationships will inevitably do) and we understand that our timelines are out of synch. but both of us are flexible and willing to come to some middleground, as long as thats what we both want.

is that what we want? is that what she wants? is that what i want?

this is NOT a new storyline. its sad to say, but if my life was a movie, the plot would be pretty formulaic. --- boy meets girl, boy dates girl, girl waits for marriage proposal, boy drinks beer, girl dumps boy, boy has an epiphany and realizes that he has lost the best thing to ever happen to him, boy breaks up girls wedding (ha!), boy and girl get married, the end.

we've only made it as far as the 'boy drinks beer' segment, but i can see the plot developing as we speak. (so stay tuned)

i wouldnt mind skipping all those superfluous steps and jumping straight to the marriage bit, but therein lies the problem at hand... therein lies the rub.

'FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...'

im willing to throw it all down on the table and jump into the ring, but only if im sure. and sure i am not. if this is for the rest of my life (which i want it to be), then this had better be damn near perfect. and perfect this is not. and once again therein lies the dilemna.

having the weight of 'FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...' residing on your shoulders adds dramatic emphasis to EVERYTHING in a relationship. small idiosyncratic flubbles that may mean nothing while you're dating, may mean a great deal if its FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. suddenly every action, every choice, every personality trait needs to be scrutinized for their potential impact down the road.

if you're dating, and she has a tough time deciding between several different entrees at dinner, its no big deal. but if she cant make up her mind about dinner FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, then it may be a bit of a problem down the road. not a big problem necessarily (but a problem nonetheless).

the bigger problem comes when you begin to extrapolate this observation (can't choose dinner entree's) and try to apply it to the rest of your life together... if she cant choose her dinner entree, how can she make the choices that will define the rest of our lives together? how can she make big decisions and help take care of our children, if she cant even decide between chicken or beef?

'FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...'

i think you get the picture. as a result, ive begun to politely (and sometimes not so politely) push for changes. she accomodates what she thinks are reasonable requests, and disregards ones that she does not. i know what some of you may be thinking... 'how can he ask her to change? if he loves her, he would accept her as she is, for who she is...'

'love is not blind - it sees more not less, but because it see's more it is willing to see less' - anonymous

which is terrific in theory, but if put into practice, it means that either A) you accept her and don't want to change a thing B) you dump her and keep looking. looking for what? the one. the one that you love so much that you dont want to change (and lets not get started on THAT whole discussion again).

i have a different philosphy. i believe that there is a perfect person out there for me, however they are not going to be perfect when i meet them. rather they will show the promise of becoming perfect (which my girlfriend does). because to meet the perfect person RIGHT NOW, does not gaurantee perfection in the long run (and this is for the long run). because in order to maintain that perfection, both she and i will have to grow together, in the same way, in the same direction, with the same goals and aspirations. its not important if we are perfect right now, so long as we can grow towards being perfect in the future.

if you are already 'perfect' for one another, you have learned NOTHING. you have not gained any insight into how the person will grow, how they will adjust, how they will sacrifice... FOR YOU. i want someone who needs to be molded (just as i do), and i want to watch them match me, change for change.

'relationships do not fail because people are incompatible... relationships fail because people are inflexible' - anonymous*

because lets face it, i talk alot about the need for change (and how 'she' does things that scares the bejeezus out of me) but i know that i too have character flaws that need to be outgrown. in other words, im not her prince charming either (yet). i need to change. and im willing to do so. if she doesnt want ... me to be friends with other girls (another post, another time), i have to adjust to HER needs and desires.

we both have the same choices: change for him/her, or say fuck it and start anew. there's always a choice. unfortunately we may not like the choices we have. but decisions need to be made... GOOD decisions need to be made because otherwise this really will be 'FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...'

* this is my all-time favorite relationship quote. i refer to it ALOT. my girlfriend dislikes it, because she thinks its not necessarily true. if she ever finds this blog, and reads this post, she's going to know this is me in a heartbeat. (who else would come up with this kinda crap)

marinate on it for a while, and let me know what you think.

** way out-dated since this is a cheat. sorry guys, life is busy.