whoever smelt it, dealt it.

ouch.

dfk just threw the big D at me

d as in don’t be desperate.

d as in don’t forget to wear deodorant.

d as in duh.

i say all of this with a lil tongue in cheek, afterall it was good advice for her to give.

because she’s right – nothing is a bigger turn off than the scent of desperation.

or at least, that’s what im told.

fortunately i don’t think that i am desperate.

nor do i think that i am carrier for this particular brand of stenchification.

unfortunately that’s usually how stinkiness works – you’re never cognizant of how smelly you are, until someone else calls you out on it.

apparently dfk has taken it upon herself to call me out.

so efff her… im out.

ha.

okay… okay. im totally joking.

i know im not desperate.

and although i find her logic flawed, i do appreciate dfk’s point of view.

because her comment highlights something else that ive been pondering as of late – something that has less to do with my actual sense of self, and more to do with other people’s perception of myself.

in a nutshell, my dilemma relates to relationships, and the game(s) that we play to maintain them.

most people claim to hate the game – in fact many people periodically ‘give-up’ on dating solely because they get sick of playing the game. and who can blame them… who the hell wants to play a game that is dictated by rules that are vague and obtuse at best.

nobody can quantify how many rules there are, nor can anyone agree on what the actual rules are.

they simply know that the rules exist.

and we don’t need to get into the specifics – my philosophy is that rules exist for a reason. its more important to understand the underlying context than it is to understand the letter of the law. because an understanding of the letter of the law will be useless without a deeper grasp of the motivation that exists behind it.

so lets bring this conversation back to the most critical component of any relationship – timing.

many of the informal rules surrounding relationships relate to timing.

how long do you wait to ask someone out?

when should you call them?

is it ok to fuck on the first date?

is it ok to say fuck on the first date?

timing is critical.

timing is key.

timing is everything.

timing is important, but its also part of the game.

and for some reason (as of late) ive given up on playing the game.

don’t get me wrong, im ‘playing’ the game… im just not playing by the rules of the game.

which means that i don’t wait three days to call someone back.

which means that i respond to emails if im excited to receive them.

which means that i try to spend as much time as possible (as soon as possible) with someone that i really like.

which means that i don’t play the game.

and some might say this refreshing.

while others might say that this reeks of desperation.

one way or another i don’t particularly give a shit.

but give a shit or not, ive begun to wonder what other peoples perception of my actions may be.

ive begun to wonder if its possible that ive spoiled potential opportunities by being too readily available...

ive begun to wonder if the perception of desperation is actually the same as being desperate...

ive begun to wonder if ive been secretly exuding the noxious whiff of big d...

are these the right questions to ask... or is this entire train of thought D as in dum? ha!