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7.9.05

bro’s before ho’s

gratuity is money paid for services rendered.

more often than not, this amount of money is directly proportional to the quality of the services rendered – better services often equates to more money, and vice versus.

in reality this is often, but not always the case.

for instance – its almost instinctual to tip a cab driver an extra buck (maybe even two). EVEN THO he’s done nothing more than what he’s supposed to do – driving a passenger from point (a) to point (b). considering that most cabbies usually round my fare up (i.e. ten dollars and five cents becomes an automatic eleven dollar charge), and they’re equally unlikely to help me with my luggage, it still amazes me when i catch myself tacking on an extra dollar to my cab fare.

i guess im just a sucka like that.

its true that i over-tip cabdrivers (a habit that im trying to rectify), but my real ‘sucker-spot’ is over-tipping waitresses and female bartenders.

which isnt unusual or particularly noteworthy – i just happen to be as dumb as the next guy.

theres a reason why successful bar staffs are usually comprised of tube top totin’ twenty three year old females who’s asses are barely poured in to a pair of low-cut paper, denim & clothe jeans – its because guys are dumb.

it’s an undisputed fact that guys like girls.

it’s also an undisputed fact that guys like drinking.

the only thing that we like better than girls and drinking, are girls that go drinking with us.

and if we cant find a couple of those, we most certainly will settle for a cute girl who will pour and/or bring us a drink.

i guess we’re all just a bunch of sucka’s like that.

one of the reason that cute waitresses and female bartenders are so successful is that we [i.e. most guys] STUPIDLY think that tipping (or over-tipping) will SOMEHOW get us noticed by the bar staff. as if showing our gratification, through gratuity, will facilitate and develop a rapport between the vivacious vixen behind the counter, and the sad-sack-of-schlub on the barstool.

maybe im not cute enough, but tipping has never landed me more than an empty wallet and a headache in the morning! (not that i really expected it to)

of course that’s never stopped me from trying. ha!

but who can blame me -waitresses can be VERY persuasive when they want to be.

a waitress or female bartender has several weapons in her arsenal - these ‘talents’ run the gamut from the ubiquitous push up bra and low cut shirt combo, to the sneaky peaky thong that ‘just-so-happens’ to be visible every time she leans over to serve a drink.

god bless’em. ha!

any hottie with a rockin’ body can utilize her assets to pick up bucks from a couple dumb trucks, BUT i genuinely appreciate a waitress who has a little finesse. a little flirtation pays a long way in a crowded bar – and im always impressed by a girl who can sling drinks AND keep the slobbering masses appeased with a little TLC.

any waitress worth her salt has perfected the classic drink touch – a light but consistent touch on the arm while engaging her customer with a smile, some witty banter… and of course more drink inquiries.

i admire the girl who can pull all of this together night-after-night.

its her job to make her customers (me included) believe that she actually cares. its her job to make me believe that all of her attention is directed at me. its her job to do this, when its more likely that she’s more interested in the ongoing drama surrounding of nick lache and jessica simpsons marriage than she is in anyone in her bar.

its her emm effin job – its nothing personal.

its just a game.

these thoughts ran through my head as i chatted up one of the coolest girls ive met in a while. she was a high school friend of one of my roommates, and it was practically impossible not to get lost in her baby blues. her eyes had a way of reflecting her mood (as only blue eyes can) – sparking as she became more animated, and sharpening as she/me/we got drunker and more serious.

cute as a firecracker, and smart as a whip, it wasn’t surprising that i was instinctively drawn to her.

she had an amazing way of engaging me in a conversation – making me the absolute epi-center of her attention. in between overly animated hand gestures, she had a way of touching, prodding or hugging away any awkwardness that existed. even more amazing was her ability to do this with everyone in the group (my roommate, and another of my roommates friends from high school).

she had all three of us wrapped around her slender little finger.

but perhaps the most amazing thing of all, was that she managed to do this without any of us getting pissed, jealous, or upset.

no hard feelings, no overt competition. we all thought (on some level) that we had a better chance with her than the other two did.

if she had been a waitress, she could have easily taken us for every dollar we had.

during an entire day of drinking and socializing, the balance of our triumvirate shifted many times over.

at times i thought i was in like flynn.

things she said, and things she did, led me to believe that she was as interested in me as i was interested in her. and so i was tempted to press forward and find out if my suspicions were true.

unfortunately my interest surged and waned as i grappled with reality – there was simply no way that ANYTHING could happen between the two of us (EVEN if she was interested).

because my roommate was quite the ‘smitten kitten’ himself.

and he DEFINITELY had first dibs – not only had he known her longer than i had, but he was from the same town as her (i.e. a better long term fit).

plus he’s my ROOMMATE, as much as i want to wish a year of misery upon myself, i really don’t want to screw over my roommate for a girl – even one as remarkable as she was.

so i bowed out as gracefully as humanly possible.

it was all just a game.

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