007 and the truth

in my opinion, conflict is a natural occurrence in anyone’s life. without it, we would never learn, never evolve, never grow as a human being.

in my opinion, conflict is inevitable.

some might say that i like conflict a little too much (i.e. my ex girlfriends), but that’s not really the case. i simply don’t shirk away from it if that’s the only option remaining. i don’t need to be in a fight every single moment of every single day, but i don’t need to avoid it if i feel that my feelings are justified.

which i think is a healthy attitude to assume.

unfortunately not everyone feels the same way. in fact im sure many of you either know of, or are the type of person that im talking about - people who live their life to avoid all forms of conflict.

those types of people absolutely drives me bonkers.

this weekend has hammered this point home like a thirty man crash in the middle of the peloton.

because i keep meeting girls who absolutely abhor conflict.

take for example, my roommate situation. ive been looking for a place. i found a place. i like the place. i like the roommates in the place. i tell them that im interested in the place, and tell them to take a week for deliberation and let me know if id be a good fit in their place. after a week of meeting other potentials, and ‘talking’ it over, they still cant decide.

im beginning to think that ‘cant decide’ is code for ‘we didn’t like you’, but we don’t want to tell you that, so we’ll avoid the conflict by forcing you to take yourself out of the running.’

which is the only LOGICAL option that i have – afterall, if they're having trouble deciding, what does that say even IF they do choose me? eventually i was the chosen one, BUT… it could have just as easily gone to the other person too. or even worse… you were the second choice, BUT.. the other person opted out (which is what you should have done) and subsequently we got stuck with you.

not a great start to our roommate synergy by any means.

the shitty part is that i want to take myself out of the game, BUT… i really really like the place. it seems stupid to make their job easier, by giving up on a place that im really interested in.

perhaps taking myself out of the game is the right thing to do...

unfortunately the irony is that i put myself in the second situation by actually taking myself out of the game in the first place. (damned if you do…)

in the second case, things were slightly more complicated. about a year ago, a close friend of mine expressed some initial interest in me – a concept that i was not immune to, but skeptical of our potential for success. i gave it some thought, but ultimately decided that it would be better if we didn’t date. we’re still good friends, and occasionally sometimes even a little bit more. which is probably where it gets complicated. im still adamant that we shouldn’t date, and yet we do have our occasional slip ups. i was happy to have a close friend that i could depend on – the hook ups were mostly an extension of being in close proximity, not as a direct result of any genuine interest on either of either of our parts.

everything was where i expected it until she started acting erratic. last weekend i asked her what she had been upto - she mentioned dinner with a friend. i asked about which friend (not an entirely unusual or particularly nosey question to ask) – she said just a ‘friend’. i asked her if this was her way of saying that she wasn’t going to tell me – and she said yes.

so i dropped it.

it set off a couple of alarms (im not stupid, i know that two and two is five and a half), but it wasn’t a big deal for me.

fast forward to this weekend, and i finally figure out who the mystery man is – and i have to admit that im very impressed. if she can pull a guy like that, she definitely deserves it. but what really started to bug me was the fact that she had deliberately gone out of her way to hide it from me. i will admit that i felt slightly weird about finding the two of them so enamored with one another – but i realized it had less to do with any feelings that i had for her, than it did with the fact that she didn’t think i could handle the truth. its even worse, when you find out that everyone knew, and you (i.e. one of her close friends) didn’t.

i can rationalize WHY she did what she did – she didn’t want to mess things up, she didn’t want to cause any drama, she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, she didn’t want me sticking my nose in things etc. etc.

BUT who’s to say that any of that would happen – im a rational person. i TOLD her that things wouldn’t work out between us. who am i to stand in the way of her finding someone who it WOULD work out with. i would have taken a moment, thought things through, and then been really happy for her.

just like i did when i found out the truth.

unfortunately she didn’t think that i could handle it. or perhaps more accurately, she didn’t want to deal with the conflict IF i couldn’t handle it.

which is complete and utter bollocks.

what ultimately saddens me about this weekend is that i not only lost a great apt, but i lost a great friend.

what kind of true friend keeps secrets because they think you’re incapable of doing the right thing.

if she has so little faith in my character – well then perhaps its good that we’re not going to be friends anymore.

'you should always tell the truth. because if you tell the truth you make it the other persons problem.' – sean connery

a post about cheating by the cheatingist cheater around ~